Well. I really don't know where to begin. I guess I should start with a warning. If you're reading this post over breakfast or during your lunch hour, you may want to return at a later time. That's because we're going to be talking about some stinky, unpleasant business.

I'll just put it out there: I have to take a poop test. Why? Because apparently that's what they make you do when you turn 40.