Any Ideas For a Funny Cat Index?

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My editor from Ten Speed Press wrote me to say that she thought my upcoming cat humor book would benefit from having an index. Only, God love her, it's not a real index. It's a humor index, in line with the parody of the rest of the book. So index references may read:

Butt Licking, social.... 48

Butt Licking, hobby... 22

Kibbles - see NOM-NOM-NOM... 18

I love that this is how I spend my day. I spent two hours at Panera (my satellite office for those new to the blog) last week, sipping coffee and brainstorming ideas like, "Toenails as grappling hooks." Who has a better job than me? NO ONE. 

Of course, brainstorming is the fun part. Actually making something of the four pages of scribbled notes is something else. I'd say about 1 in every 8 ideas I come up with is worth keeping. The others are cliche, nonsensical, or just lame. I have no idea how long this index needs to be but I know I've still got hours and hours of work ahead of me. My goal is to have a solid, almost final draft complete before the end of the year. 

Over the holidays some of you may snuggle with loved ones, others may sip eggnog and roast chestnuts, and still others may curl up in front of the TV to watch Christmas specials. As for me, I'll be writing index jokes about dust bunnies, grasshoppers, and the evil moving red dot of light. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS. 

Holiday Spirit Alive & Well At The Post Office

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This morning I had a choice: Wait around the house an extra 40 minutes until my local post office opened, or go ahead with my plans to drive into Greensboro and hit the post office in a busy commercial shopping center before I set up camp at my favorite Panera. God help me, I chose Option B.

My first goof was thinking the Post Office opened at 8:30. Nope, its 9 AM. My second goof was arriving at the Post Office at ten till 9, instead of 3 AM, as that's apparently what time people started showing up, based on the already-formed line that greeted me when I arrived. 

Too bad for me. I had a package that HAD to go out today. I took a deep breath, opened the door, and marched to my place at the back of the line...

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