Why Is Dena Being... Nice???

One of the "back of my mind" goals for 2012 is to be nicer to people. Not people I know and love and interact with on a regular basis like my mom and Blair and friends--let's not get crazy. No, instead I'm focusing more attention on being nice to complete strangers. 

Why? Too often I go through life head down, so focused on getting to the next place or achieving the next goal I just blow by the people the Universe has placed in my path. What would happen if I actually stopped and paid attention to them?

Yesterday I was working in a local coffeehouse and an older gentleman came in. We exchanged hello's and he asked me if I had "one of those iPhones." I said I did and he pulled out a brand new model and asked if I knew how to check and see if he had a voicemail. 

I showed him how to access his voicemail and he explained his wife usually showed him how to work these things. I smiled, picturing a sweet gray-haired woman leaning over an instruction manual and then he said, "She used to be a programmer with the FBI." 

Uh, hello--you have my attention. It gets better. Then he says, "I used to work command missions for the CIA." 

Pull up a chair! I sat and talked with this fascinating individual for almost 40 minutes. He told stories of past missions (he and his team pushing over a downed helicopter so they could use one of the guns on it to fire at attacking enemies) and how he and his wife met and eventually how they came to settle in this area. 

The amazing part to me is that this guy was totally non-descript. Nothing about him, including the fact that he had to ask me how to access his voicemail, hinted at the rich and exciting life he'd led. But isn't that true for most people? We have no idea the fascinating ideas, dreams, or travels of so many people around us because we assume that what we observe on the surface is all that's there. 

I'm probably more guilty of this type of assuming behavior than most people. Hence the resolve to do a better job of "seeing" people for who they really are, and maybe taking just a bit of time to listen to their stories. 

It's asking a lot from someone who is not naturally a "people-person." That's why I'm using this year to focus on strangers. I can't be expected to do that AND up my game with friends and loved ones.

Being nice to them will have to wait for 2013. 

If they're lucky. ;)

Cheers,

Dena

Who Needs Goals?

It's that time of year. The time when we get to begin anew. Forget January 1st as the kick-off day for goals and resolutions. I've always been a December girl when it comes to starting over. My usual pattern is that I'm admirably disciplined the first 3-4 months of the year, a little less during the summer, and by late fall I can be found vegetating on the couch watching back-to-back marathon episodes of "Chopped." Right now I'm so sick of my sloth-like behavior I can barely stand myself. It's time for a change. 

I read a blog post the other day about achieving without goals. I'm intrigued. I want 2012 to be a year of purpose but I like the author's premise that goals won't necessarily get you there:

"You don’t need goals to tell you what to do. You know what to do. You’re excited about doing it already — you just need to focus, and get to it. 

 Goals keep you focused on something in the future, instead of being present and enjoying what you’re doing right now. Goals keep you fixed on one path, which might not be the best path in a week or a month or a year. They keep you fixated on one thing, rather than being open to new opportunities, being flexible as the landscape changes, being free to pursue something you’re newly passionate about rather than sticking to something you’re tired of."

The thought of spending my days pursuing my passions is ever-so-more intriguing than working my way through a checklist of mini sub-goals and timelines. 

Here's a simple example. Blair and I are spending the next couple of days cleaning closets out around the house. Sounds like a horrible must-do task, right? Wrong! We love it. We are ruthless as we pick through what stays and what goes and everything gets a nice new home on a freshly dusted shelf. Makes me happy just to think about it.

And that's the point. We (and yes, Blair's psyched about it too) are looking forward to it because--sad as it may be--we have a passion for that sort of culling out of old things and bringing order to our home. But I can almost guarantee that if I had made a checklist of "things we need to get done over the holidays" and put "clean closets" on the list, we'd be dragging our feet. How you approach a task is important. 

I'm going to try to carry that into 2012. I'm sure I'll never fully give up my beloved checklists but I do want to work on being more excited and focused on whatever it is that's in front of me at any given time, whether that's writing, reading, running, petting a cat, spending time with Blair and friends, cooking, etc. 

So in 2012 I want to live life with intent and passion. (But shhh... just don't call it a goal.)

Cheers,

Dena

Tis the Season To Make Lists

The year is drawing to its close. I can tell because I have the insatiable urge to start making lists. For what, I don't care. As long as I can use bullet points, sub-headings, and call-outs, I'm a happy camper.

It's all I can do to not drop everything and begin outlining exercise goals and runs for the New Year as well as chart a running regime. Then there's cooking - I have lists of healthy soups and receipes I want to make (if I don't start using that VitaMix blender I insisted I had to have, I'll need to start a list on various ways to say, "I'm sorry, you were right" to a spouse--and no one wants to see that happen). I have lists in my head of writing projects to complete, lists on how much $$ I need to make in the New Year and how to go about achieving that, lists of volunteer work I'd like to see me do, lists of major repair/renovation projects for the house, and the mother of them ALL - the NEW YEAR RESOLUTION LIST. Ooh--I get chills just thinking about it.

Dear Santa - All I want for Christmas is a white board, office organizer, and pretty markers with which I can slash off "completed" bullet points on my lists. I've been very pretty reasonably good this year, so please come through for me.

Love,

Dena