Sick of Volunteering

I am sick of volunteering, sick of giving my time and services away for free. I know that's  a terrible thing to say and I also know it's coming from a morning of frustration, spent at my desk spending hours wrapping up itty-bitty tasks and details not directly related to my work or income.

I certainly don't want my life to be just about money, and it isn't, but I am just burnt. It seems like in every group there is always the core group of 3-4 people who do all the work and, inevitably, I end up in that core group. I am tired of making phone calls, tired of being the one to follow-up on details, and sick to death of seemingly being one of only 6 people on the planet capable of following through on my word.  Where the **** is everyone else???

 This is my own fault, I know. I'm the one that agreed to the roles and responsibilities so I have no one to blame but myself. And the work sounds so meager when I agree to it. Sure, I can make a couple of phone calls. Why, it will only take 10 minutes to type up those notes. And on and on until I've screwed myself.

Just last Friday I found myself agreeing to speak to a networking group of unemployed persons at our city's JobLink center.  I couldn't say no. I used to work there so I know how hard it is to find qualified not to mention interesting speakers. Plus, the people there looking for work try so hard and a little motivation would take them a long way. Plus, look at all I have in life. It would be selfish of me not to give back. So I said yes.

I hung up the phone and it hit me what I'd done. The JobLink center is 50 minutes away from where I live and I'd drive in on a day when I have no other appointments in Greensboro.  That's over an hour and a half drive to speak, for free, for 45 minutes. That's a lot of work time wasted.

I wrestled with it all weekend, guilt doing a number on me.  (I hate backing out of things I've given my word on). But the event is over a month away and there's time to find a replacement so I called today and cancelled. I have mixed feelings--relief, because I didn't have the time to fool with putting a speech together, anger at myself that I agreed to it instead of just saying "no" in the first place, and of course, guilt because I backed out. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have about another hour's worth of volunteer work to do.  My new motto: "Just say NO." 

Gardens, Birds & Air Conditioning

A friend who reads my blog asked me the other day how our garden was doing. Which was helpful because, until they mentioned it, I forgot that we had indeed planted a garden this year. 

I walked out back this morning and visited the dry, dusty clump of earth we had oh-so-optimistically called "garden" in early June. Dehydrated tendrils of dying tomato plants lay limply along the ground.  Skeletal remains of what was once rosemary, basil and oregano disintegrated in front of my eyes as a light breeze stirred them. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Apparently there's something to that "watering" thing. I feel bad, both for the plants and for us. We so badly want to be grow-our-own-vegetable type people and instead we're on the 10 Most Wanted list for people who mistreat their produce.

On the bright side, the birds have relented and are eating from our bird feeder. We haven't actually witnessed this, but the food level has gone down. Occasionally we'll spy a bird sitting atop the feeder and while we call the cats to the window and root for the bird to eat, it inevitably flies away. Maybe it caught a glimpse of the garden and got scared .  

We're in air-conditioning limbo right now. The heat index has been around 100-105 for the past week and we can't get the house below 80.  I'm afraid to see what our electric bill will be this month with both AC units running non-stop. We had repairmen over who said it may just be our unit can't keep up with the heat. I'm not sure I buy that, as our units have always kept up with heat, no problem, and I've noticed the air isn't blowing as strong as it used to. But I'm willing to ride the heat wave out and see if temperatures indoors return to normal. If not, we may need to replace our ductwork and you all know how much I enjoy having repairmen around.

But I've a new strategy for dealing with contractors. I'll just direct their attention to the garden of the dead and insinuate that's where they'll end up if they don't do their work in a timely and professional manner.

 Stay cool.

Naps

At what age do we switch from screaming "I'm not tired! I don't need a nap!" to being willing to pay cash for a chance to lie down for 20 minutes and close our eyes?

I love naps. Always have. But I don't often let myself indulge.  Part of the reason is that I become addicted quicker than if you stuck a cigarette between my lips. Two days of lying down at noon and my body decides that's the new pattern for life and goes into a slump and pouts if I don't allow it to hit the bed.

But lately I've been dragging. Really dragging. Like, sitting at the computer and finding myself doing the almost-asleep head bop.  I let myself lay down a couple of times and crashed hard, for 2 hours. But then I was foggy and fussy when I woke up, so that didn't really help.

I'm getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night. Not my ideal eight, but enough that I shouldn't be falling asleep in front of my desk.  I was ready to go to the doctor when my yoga instructor asked how long I'd been feeling this way. "About a month or so," I said. She pointed out the time frame coincides with when I started running.

"But I've always exercised," I said. "Besides, isn't exercise supposed to energize you for the day?"

She agreed, but noted that since I've been running longer and harder than usual, my body may just be going through an adjustment period. She also suggested I make sure to eat healthy and take vitamins.

Man! Isn't one of the benefits of exercise supposed to be you can indulge in ice-cream for dinner on a more regular basis because you know you'll work it off?  They always find a way to screw you in the end. But I think she's right. I need to pay better attention to my diet. I'd eat cereal, ice-cream and South Beach Diet Chocolate Snack Bars 24/7 if left to my own devices. A vegetable now and again might not be a bad idea.

I'm also encouraged because one of my good friends who works from home and who I admire told me she tries to take a nap every day after lunch. I was surprised because she's very disciplined and I didn't see her allowing herself that luxury. But she's made it part of her day and if she has to stay a little later at her desk at night to make up the time, so be it.

I admit I've already napped today and it's only 10 am. I was up at 5, went to yoga at 6, home by 7, and crashed from 8-9. (My mom is going to kill me as just last night I was yelling at her for going back to bed in the mornings!) But I feel great! Awake, alert and looking forward to work. One of those three projects I mentioned came through this morning so I'm going to get a jump on that.

My wish for all of you on this sweltering Friday is that you find time today for a nap. =)

Workflow

I'm in limbo this week. At the end of last week I had three different people contact me and tell me to "get ready" as each had a "rush" project they needed my help with. 

Money, money, money! I completed my other work and now I sit, hands poised over my keyboard, waiting for the "Go" signal. But the phone remains silent and no e-mails appear. Where is the work?

That's the nature of freelancing. Sometimes the promised work comes in, sometimes it doesn't.  I remain confident these three projects will materialize and I'm willing to bet they'll show up on the same day with almost identical deadlines. Never say the Universe doesn't have a sense of humor. But that's okay. While I don't necessarily like working under pressure, I thrive on it. Put an emergency in front of me and I am on it. It's when I have 5 weeks to complete a project and feel no sense of urgency that I lollygag around and do less than my best work.

They're fun projects too, fun meaning different. One is editing web site content for a local business, one is editing an inspirational book and one is writing "message on hold" phone text for a vet.

Meanwhile, I'm working on my public speaking book, writing some really bad picture book text (but I'm having fun with it) and setting up interviews for upcoming articles. Yesterday, for the first time in the 3 years I've been freelancing, I had someone decline an interview with me. I'd e-mailed a jewelry workshop teacher in NY and he very politely said he would prefer to pass on the interview. Well! My curious (read: nosy) nature makes me wonder why he passed but no harm done. I e-mailed someone else and now wait to hear back.

It's 98 degrees here today with a heat index of 105. Our AC at home can't keep up and upstairs it's reading 88 degrees and 77 downstairs. At least we have AC.  I can't imagine withstanding this heat without it.

Everyone keep cool.