Treachery on the Running Trail

Regarding the individual(s) who saw fit to steal our cooler, water, Gatorade, and cups this morning:

Dear Loser,

Thank you for making a challenging 13.1 mile run that much more challenging by stealing what would have been our group's water stop and nutrition at miles 6 and 9. I too am a fan of taking what is NOT MINE, regardless of dollar value or how the theft may impact others. You may rest assured your mother holds her head high when she hears your name spoke, knowing you to be such a fine, upstanding individual. I'm sure you bring joy to all those around you and this earth is a better place for having you on it.

Meanwhile, I hope you choke on the Gatorade.

Sincerely,

Dena Harris